PILAY TO BULAG: “Punta tayo beach, sakay ako likod mo.”
PILAY: “Wow, dami sexy dito sa beach!”
PILAY:”Pano mo alam?”
BULAG: “Tigas TITI mo eh!”
Ang Bagyo… Bow!
Paano kaya kung ang ilang tao at organization sa lipunan ay naging bagyo?
Kung bagyo si DILG Sec. Robredo, hindi buo ang kanyang lakas. Tubig lang ang dala nya dahil ung hangin, ung kasunod ng bagyong Rico E. Puno ang may dala!
Kung si Sen. Miriam, wasak ang mga PUNO!
Kung ang CBCP, lalamig nang sobra ang panahon, mawawalang ng kuryente, maagang matutulog sina mr. at mrs. bed weather kasi! Uy!
Kung si Mme. Auring, gud lak sa PAGASA! Tiyak mali-mali ang forecast nila.
Kung GMA-7, walang kikilingan, walang puprotektahan, lahat tatamaan!
Kung ABS-CBN, magsasabog ito ng hangin at ulan saan man sa mundo!
Kung si Vicki Belo, ingat kayo sa magliliparang plastic!
Kung si Patrick dela Rosa, tiyak na pag-alis nya, feeling mo, ginahasa ka!
The Rich, Dumb and Famous
PARIS HILTON: “What’s Wal-Mart? Do they, like, make walls there?”
BROOKE SHIELDS: Smoking kills. And if you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
MARIAH CAREY: “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids… I can’t help but cry. I mean, I love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death stuff.”
LINDA EVANGELISTA: “It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.”
CHRISTINA AGUILERA: “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”
JESSICA SIMPSON: “Is this chicken that I have or is it fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea.'”
IVANA TRUMP: “Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.” đ
16 sė Inday, ėsang prostė ngunėt hindi ito alam nė lola. One day, hėnuli ang mga prosti sa karsada. Napadaan sė lola at nakita ang apo sa pėla ng mga hėnųlė…
Lola: “Bakėt ka nasa pėla, apo?
Tina (nataranta): “A e lola, may bėgayan po ng oranges!
Lola: “Ganun ba? Ako rėn pėpėla!”
at lumapėt ang pulis…
Pulis (nagulat): “Ang tanda niyo na, paano niyo nagagawa ėto?”
Lola (proud pa): “Sėnisipsip ko lang hanggang matuyo!”
Erap and Sen. Lapid nag mountain cliff climbing nang biglang nakabitiw si Lito.
ERAP: (pasigaw) “Pare, nasaktan ka ba?”
LITO: (pasigaw) “di ko pa alam, kita mo naman bumabagsak pa ako!”
Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over & to keep quiet, they device a code.
His girlfriend will say tomato if she wants him to go slower & lettuce for him to go faster.
As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, “lettuce, lettuce… tomato, tomato…”
The roommate on the lower bunk wakes up the next morning & says, “Stop making sandwiches at night. You got mayonnaise in my eye.”
A suicide bomber went into a pet shop and yelled, “Everyone has one minute to go and get out!”
A turtle in the back yelled: “You bastard!”
Erap walks over Amsterdam’s red light district when he saw a hooker (inside a display window) looking at him.
He stops, bangs on the window and asks, “What does this cost??!!”
And the hooker replies, “25 American dollars!!!”
And Erap said, “Hmm, that’s not a lot of money for insulated windows!!!”
On a bus, a pretty girl wordlessly passes a piece of folded paper to a guy. Ignoring the other passengers, stares, the guy pocketed the note thinking it was the girl’s phone number.
As soon as the guy got off the bus, he open the note excitedly only to read: “The zipper of your trousers is open!”
A young man tells a doc: “Doctor, be careful that you don’t forget your knife inside my body when you operate.”
“That’s OK, son! I have lots of surgical knives!”
“How many times did you steal from the store?”
“How many things did you steal?”
“Not many. Just a skirt.”
“You robbed a store five times for a skirt?”
“I had no choice. Each time I went home my wife kept asking me to exchange it for something nicer!”
Welcome 2d 21st Century
Fat lady walking along the street. A little boy is following close behind.
“Are you lost, little boy?” the lady asks.
“No, Ma’am. I just like to walk in the shade.”
** Thank you so much again, Mike! For the above SMS Jokes đ