Pamilya kumakain ng noodles-
ANAK: “Dad..buntis po..”
(mom & dad napatingin)
ANAK: “Buntis po ako..hindi ako makakagraduate..mahirap po ba ang mabuntis?”
MOM: “Mahirap maging ina, lalo na sa isang ambisosyang bading na kagaya m0!”
May itatanong ako sayo…
at gusto ko ang sagot ay OO o HINDI…
ayaw ko ng mahabang paliwanang…
HINDI KA BA NALILIGO?
Tandaan: ang sagot ay OO o HINDI
Police Chief: “Guards, may nakawalang hoodlum! Bantayan ang mga exits!”
Guard: “Sir, nakatakas ang hoodlum!”
Police Chief: “Paano nangyari ‘yun?”
Guard: “Sir, sa entrance siya dumaan! ”
by Joyce Killjoy
“I think that I shall never see
A friend lucky as this Tree.
A Tree who’s twice put to test
Yet boss won’t let him go and rest.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only NOY can save a Tree.”
Stewardess: “Sa mga pasahero, naka-experience po tayo ng engine failure at konting turbulence. Maaari po tayong mag-crash…
Sa mga nasa first and business class, ang life vest po ay nasa ilalim ng inyong upuan…
Sa mga nasa economy, sabayan nyo po ako…
Aba ginoong maria, napupuno ka ng grasya… ”
Who’s the World’s Greatest Salesman?
A married man who can make his wife feel sorry for the girl who lost her under wear in his car.
The Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines ordered:
Men shall NOT USE CONDOMS and women shall NOT USE CONTRACEPTIVES.
A shapely woman stood up and said:
lF YoU DON’T PLAY THE GAME, DON’T MAKE THE RULES!
– Doon bumibili at kumakain ng pizza si Aling Dionisia’.Sa ‘She kiss’ pizza tayo.
A lady says: “Doctor, I’m so sick! I feel dizzy, everything spins and my heart is burning.”
The man says, “Ma’am, first, I’m not a doctor, I’m a bartender. Second, you are not sick… you are drunk, and third, your heart is not burning… your left boob is in the ashtray.
A doctor told Sen. Lito Lapid, “You know what, I spent four years in college taking medicine, and four years in a hospital for my residency.”
Sen. Lapid asked, “So, napagaling din kayo?”
I hav difficulty doin business here. Every1 from Customs, BIR, Congressman, Barangay, LTO, Register of Deeds & aders, always ask 4 a fee! u shud change ur country’s name 2 –
‘FEE-lippines’ & call urselves ‘FEE-lipinos’
Reports say the face of cosmetic expert Vicki Belo replaced the photo of P-Noy on immigration cards. It was an ad for the Belo Medical Group. But critics wanted the cards withdrawn reasoning that tourists might confuse the Philippines for MADAME TUSSAUDS!!!
Immigration officials defended their actions given the choice between two advertisers: Ms. Belo and Ellen Lising. Sige, mamili kayo!
As a senior citizen was driving on the expressway, his cellphone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Hon, I just heard the news that there’s a car going against the traffic on the expressway. Please be careful!”
“OMG,” man said, “it’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
**Thank u so much MIKE, for the above SMS Jokes. ðŸ˜€