December 2009HUMORSMS Jokes 2009

SMS Jokes 19

Patient: Doc, tama kayo. After two months nakapaglalakad na ko.
Doc: Sabi ko sayo two months makakalakad ka na.
Patient: Tama, doc, binenta ko yung kotse ko pambayad sa inyo.

* * * * *

CLIENT: Atty, ang plastic surgery ko ay palpak. Pag malamig, mukha ko ay kulubot, pag mainit naman, ito ay lupaypay.
ATTORNEY: Habla natin ang doctor nagumawa! Di dapat sa betlog mo kinuha ang inilagay nya na balat sa mukha mo!

* * * * *

An Appeal from a flood victim:
Nabaha po kame! Nais ko lang po ipabatid na tumatanggap kame ng tul0ng kahit kunting relief g0ods tulad ng ref, tv, s0fa, microwave at dvd player.. Padagdagan din ng din0rado or jasmine rice, wala na rin po kaming tubig, pwede na po yung wilkins o dr. Edwards.. At kung pwede po ay kunting damit na rin, tulad ng lac0ste, guess,gi0rdan0 pwede na din kahit bench lang.. Malaking tul0ng po yun… Salamat po!…

* * * * *

Woman at 18 is lyk a football where 22 men run after her..
at 28,she is lyk a basketball,where 10 men run after her..
at 38,she is lyk a golf ball where 1man is after her..
and at 48 she’s lyk a tennis ball,where 2 men are pushing her to the other..

* * * * *

Q: Why is it good for young boys to read Playboy and Penthouse?
A: Because it improves hand-eye coordination!:)

* * * * *

FVR: ano PASSWORD mo sa FRIENDSTER?
Erap: goofymickeymousedonaldduck
FVR: ang hba nman!
Erap: ano ka? kulang pa nga yan eh! sabi nila at least 4 CHARACTERS!

* * * * *

BATA: Dad, bat anlaki ng ‘bird’ mo?
DAD: (proud) Anak, pag malaki, matalino, pag maliit, bobo, teka asan ba ang nanay mo?
BATA: Nasa cottage, may kasamang GENIUS!!!

* * * * *

Conversation between
GIBO and NOYNOY:
GIBO:
“I have a law degree
from U.P.”
NOYNOY:
“My mom is Cory”
GIBO:
“I’m a bar topnotcher”
NOYNOY:
“My fatheris Ninoy”
GIBO:
“I have a master’s
degree in Harvard”
NOYNOY:
“KRIS is my sister!”

* * * * *

Nahuli ni mister ang bill collector at misis niya.
MISTER: Mga walanghiya! Di ba ikaw yung kolektor ng Meralco? Anung ginagawa mo dito sa sala namin?
COLLECTOR: Buti na lang dumating kau sir, sabi ko po sa asawa nyo pag hindi nyo nabayaran ang electric bill nyo eh iihian ko tong bagong rug nyo.”

* * * * *

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Make LOVE and not WAR…
because CONDOMS are cheaper than GUNS!

* * * * *

Bride tells her husband, “Hon, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Please explain.”
“OK, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call ur private place “the prison” n call my private thing “the prisoner.” So what we do is put the prisoner in prison.”
And then they made love for the 1st time. Afterwards, bride giggles n nudges him, “Hon the prisoner seems to have escaped.” He smiles n says, “Then we wil re-imprison him.”
They had two more bouts after this. Totally spent, guy lays on his back. She nudges him again n says, “The prisoner escaped again.”
He yells at her, “Hey, its not a life sentence, okay?!”

* * * * *

An executive to a colleague:
“My secretary used to watch the clock but now I got her watching the calendar!”

* * * * *

Tanong lang po…
If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the lights on, does a hard sleeper sleeps harder with a hard on? ;-S

* * * * *

QUOTE OF THE DAY ~
“You men don’t have an idea of what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, jaw stress and suction, gag reflex and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breath through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothin.”

* * * * *

Bride learnd dt her man has 1 artificial foot- only aftr deir 1st nyt 2geder. She told her mom.
Bride: Pat has only 1 foot.
Mom: Wow! Ur dad has only 4 inches!

* * * * *

The Pope hu missed driving around Rome drove his car 1 day n asked his driver 2 stay at d backseat. But he was stopped by d police in 1 intersection 4 speeding.
POLICE (calling his chief): Sir, we’ve got a problem
CHIEF: wat’s d problem?
POLICE: I caught somebody Big person (influential) 4 speeding. I’mafraid 2 give him a ticket!
CHIEF: What? Is he d Prime Minister? Senator? POLICE: No sir,bigger than that! He must be GOD ‘coz d Pope is his driver!

* * * * *

A small boy watching his Mum breastfeeding his baby sister.
After a while he asks, “Mum, why do you have two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”

* * * * *

An award-winning ad of a FUNERAL PARLOR:
“If YOU don’t take good care of yourself, we will take good care of YOU.” mamili ka?…Hehe:-D

* * * * *

Q: Why do men get circumcised?
A: because women will GRAB anything with twenty per cent off!

* * * * *

ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

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A single mom to Kevin and Keziah. Sang's bestfriend. Young, Fresh and Delicious. Lol! Blogging since 2005.

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