HUMORMay 2011

SMS Jokes 2011-207

Jokes courtesy of Mike. Thank you, Mike! 😛

BOY: "Yung friend ni Ate may dalang baril kanina."
TATAY: "Talaga? Nakita mo?"
BOY: "Hindi po pero narinig ko sabi ni ate…"Sa labas mo iputok. Wag mo puputok sa loob"

A man was throwing knives at his wife’s picture, and all were missing the target.
Suddenly he received a call from his wife who asked him what he was doing.
With a straight face, he replied…
"JUST MISSING YOU!"

Krissy interviews Pacman on the RH bill.
KRISSY: "Bakit ayaw mo sa RH bill?"
PACMAN: "Siyimpri."
KRISSY: "What?"
PACMAN: "Ayaw ni Miyor Atienza eh. So ayaw ku rin!"

BABAE1: "Wow, ang daming handa ng anak mo, mare! May Lydia’s Lechon pa! Totoo bang Magna ang anak mo?"
BABAE2: "Totoo, mare! Magna-nine years na siya sa 4th year high school. Laking pasasalamat namin at nakapasa rin sa wakas!"

Guy searching on Google: "How to Tackle A Wife."
Google Search Result: "Sorry… Even we are searching…"

New Style of Breaking-up…
Boy bought gift for his girlfriend.
GF: "What the hell would I do with this rocket?"
Boy: "You wanted stars no? Now sit on it and get lost!"

A wife says to her husband: "Bulls can have sex 3000 times a year. Why can’t you?"
The husband replies, "Ask the bull if he does it with the same cow?"

A guy asks his friend, "If you knew that they were about to drop an atomic bomb, what’s the first thing you would do?"
Second guy says, "I would screw the first thing that moved; what would you do?"
First guy say, "I would stand very still for half an hour."

The Israeli representative to the UN began, "Before I begin my speech, I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath!’

Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and went into the water. When he got out, his clothes vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them!"

Arafat’s rep stood up and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestians weren’t there then."

The Israeli smiled and said, "And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech…"

PAALALA SA MAGSYOTA:
1. Kapag magkasama, huwag kayong garapal sa ka-swit-an. Smack lang sa cheek, ok na. Alalahanin, maraming naiingit.
2. Pagnakainom ng Red Horse, huwag magpakalasing. Kasi, baka maiisipan nyong mangabayo.
3. Kung Nursing ang course nyo, iwasang praktisin ang pagbabakuna sa isa’t-isa.
4. Ang school ID, hindi ginagamit para magka-discount sa motel.
5. Tuwing New Year o may celebration, tandaan, sa labas lang magpapaputok.
6. Huwag kumain ng tahong pag may Red Tide. Magpapaputok.
7. Kapag maiinit at kayong dalawa lang, alam na.
8. Kapag malamig, umuulan at kayong dalawa lang, alam na rin!

QUESTION: How did the Butcher introduce his wife?
ANSWER: Meat Patty.

Guy goes to a biker bar. The waitress looks at him and says, "Do you know your fly is down?"
He replies, "Yeah, did you see my Harley?"
She says, "No, but I saw a mini bike with two flat tires!"

A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
As he passes his parent’s bedroom, he peeks in through the keyhole.
He watches for a moment, then says to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb."

Ano pagkakaiba ng Azkals at Kris Aquino?
Ang Azkals may James and Phil Younghusband.
Si Kris Aquino may James at Philip na Oldhusbands!

Man was involved in an accident. When he woke up in a hospital, the doc tells him, "Sir, I have good news and bad news for you."
The man becomes nervous and asks, "What is the bad news! Doc says, "We have to amputate both of your legs to save your life." The man asks again, "What is the good news?"
Doc replies, "The patient on the next bed wants to buy your shoes."

A guy was in a bus with a girl beside him. Focusing on the girl’s breast, the girl noticed and asked him, "Mister, can you please help take off something from my breast?"
"Yes! Yes! Anything."
Then the girl replied, "Please, help me take your eyes off my breasts."

Spanish of:
I love my lawyer!
Yo amo mi notario publico!

My girlfriend is a deodorant model.
Mi amiga es el modelo del tawas.

My friend failed medical school.
Mi amigo es albularyo.

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A single mom to Kevin and Keziah. Sang's bestfriend. Young, Fresh and Delicious. Lol! Blogging since 2005.

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    1. MAG-EX:
      B: mahal na mahal pa rin kita, pwede ba tayong magkabalikan ?
      G: Konti na lang memory ko e, Sino ka nga?

      1. Uy! Thank You so much, John, for sharing this. 😀

        1. @MARU, thanks dn po sa mga jokes XDD yan lang naicp ko :)) wla na kasi akong ibang maisip kundi ikaw :)) lol XD

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